OBSESSION

The not knowing…the waiting…the wondering, I couldn’t take it

anymore. Weeks had passed since Diana had abruptly walked out of my life thus

allowing me to free fall into what seemed like, an eternal abyss of never ending

depression and sorrow. I was miserable, absolutely miserable without her. Every

waking minute of every grief stricken day of mine was filled with what ifs and

whys. What could I have possibly done differently I kept asking myself over and

over again as I replayed the various utopian-like scenarios I imagined inside my

warped head. Why would she tell me she wanted to meet my grandmother one minute,

then the next minute, disappear out of my life completely? Why, Why, Why, Why, Why?

I

had hoped beyond hope Diana would call me shortly after she cavalierly ripped my

heart out of my chest and left for home, though not surprisingly she never did nor

did it appear she ever would, much to my eternal disappointment. Though on the

positive side of it, it only took me about a thousand or so minutes of internal

kicking and screaming until I finally came to the realization I knew next to nothing

about her, in particular her elusive telephone number and home address, so there was

little to no chance I’d ever reach her again in regards to a potential

reconciliation or maybe even a courtship between the two of us…or was there? I did

remember Diana telling me, just once and briefly at that, how she was going to take

some classes at her local community college just as soon as she returned home and

how she lived approximately two hours southeast from the restaurant we worked at.

So with that in mind and after tapping into and using all of my limited logic and

reasoning, I quickly came to a CSI-like conclusion and determined Diana lived

somewhere in or near the far southern suburbs of the greater Chicagoland area and

probably within driving distance of a community college as well as a Sirloin

Stockade restaurant.

I

now knew her first name, her last name, what company she worked for, and what area

she approximately lived in. It was definitely worth a shot to look her up in my

local library’s extensive collection of instate telephone directories I figured.

Who knew my previous trips to the library would one day come in handy for me. All I

needed now was for a little luck to strike as I frantically searched for her name

throughout the endless white pages of her local telephone book. So sure enough and

to my good fortune, I found her name and address within minutes after looking for

it. Judging by my facial expression and body language, you would have thought I

just won the lottery upon finding her information. The only question remaining now

was how to go about calling her without appearing to be a psycho or stalker, to

which I was both of these.

Many

listless days and restless nights would pass by as I conjured up possible excuses

for calling Diana with none of them sounding plausible enough to actually use on

her. But then as I lied awake one late afternoon bored out of my mind and still

trying to think about what I could possibly say to her, my mind started to drift on

me as I began to wonder what she was doing at that very moment. The more and more I

began to think about her the more determined I became to see her that night, even if

it were only for a second or two. As spontaneous as I was stupid, I decided to jump

into my car and drive to her place of employment to see if I could catch a glimpse

of her. Though I wasn’t a 100% certain where she worked at or even how to get there

other than it was somewhere southeast of where I worked. But how hard could it be I

thought to myself? If I got lost or simply couldn’t find it, all I had to do was

stop somewhere and ask for help or look at a local map, even someone as idiotic and

brain dead as me could do that. It wasn’t rocket science I assured myself as I

recklessly backed out of my grandmother’s driveway in an exciting but blinding

whirlwind of anticipation.

Sitting comfortably in my mid eighties, Oldsmobile cutlass ciera as I

zig- zagged my way southeast on side streets and back roads, or at least I hoped I

was, I came upon a sign with an arrow pointing in the general direction of the town

I was looking for. You’ve got to be kidding me I thought to myself, I was in the

middle of nowhere surrounded by farms for the most part and yet somehow, someway I

stumbled upon this sign. It was a surefire sign from God I jokingly told myself,

maybe the arrow would even lead me right to the front doors of her workplace,

wouldn’t that be something I said to myself still in awe over my good luck and

fortune.

About twenty minutes after following the direction of my heavenly

sent sign, I came upon an oasis of bright lights and within seconds, saw the

restaurant I had been searching for to my left. This was getting weird even for me

I thought, not only did I manage to find her workplace without even knowing the

address, but I did it by following a sign in the middle of nowhere.

Seeing as how I didn’t want Diana to see me stalking her, I parked my

car in a crowded hotel parking lot directly west of the restaurant, across from a

busy highway. The sides of the restaurant were comprised of squeaky clean and

oversized windows which made for easy stalking especially when the shades were wide

open and the inside of the restaurant was brightly lit. For well over an hour I

tried in vain to spot Diana while peering over my car’s steering wheel, though I was

parked too far away to recognize any of the individual faces of the waitresses

inside. If I would’ve been a stalker with half a brain I would’ve stopped at the

Walmart down the street and bought some binoculars but fortunately for me and

everyone involved, I wasn’t.

When

I began to notice some of the female waitresses, who had their hair up in ponytails

like Diana did when she worked, had started to leave for the night, I began to

realize she might have already left for the night if indeed she had been working at

all. So with great trepidation and swampy hands, I pulled out of the hotel parking

lot and cautiously made my way towards the parking lot of the restaurant to get an

up close and personal look. As I slowly drove around the south side of the

restaurant’s parking lot, while reclined in my car seat and shielding my face with

whichever one of my hands was closest to the restaurant, I tried to look for Diana

while peeking through my fingers but with no such luck. I continuously circled

around the restaurant’s parking lot like it was the Indianapolis 500 and continued

my stalker behavior for about ten minutes or so until I noticed some of the

restaurant’s customers and employees staring at me with bewildered looks of

confusion and disapproving head shakes. It didn’t take a genius to figure out I had

better leave and leave quickly before others took notice of my strange behavior and

I found myself in some real trouble.

Strangely enough, I was extremely upbeat as I left even though I

never did get to see Diana. There was just something about being around her

workplace, or at least I hoped it was, that gave me a sense of hope and

assuredness. It was only a short matter of time I thought, as I drove myself home

in the middle of the night, before I figured out a way to become rich and thus

allowing Diana and I to live happily ever after. If I loved Diana as much as I

convinced myself I did, this was the only way I could ever prove to her how much I

loved her.